drunkdogsniper

I’ve decided to ‘get wired’ by using Twitter. I don’t know why, I’m not really a fan of this ‘Social Networking’ shite, but it does allow you to be a bit nosy I suppose!

If you’ve got a Twitter account then please feel free to follow me at http://twitter.com/dannydogsniper or alternatively, click ‘follow me’ which is situated below my updates on the right of this page.

Cheers!

P.S For those who don't know, here's a bit about the infamous Wiganer Kevin Sedgwick.

It can be so easy to write an half-arsed and ill-informed article about the much-maligned but musically-brilliant Michael Jackson, so I’ll try to keep it brief and to the point. Plus I don’t have anything new to add, as everybody as had their say.

True, the man changed the face of music. From a little 8-year old black lad from a small town in America, (which at the time was still racially segregated) to the world’s biggest star in the 80’s and early 90’s and then his demise from then on. It’s been a quite eventual 50 years but I think it’s fair to say that Jackson never had a chance to grow up. A child star aged 50 is the best way to describe him.

His career started with ‘The Jackson 5’ (later ‘The Jacksons’) before he revolutionised 80’s pop and arguably invented a new sound. His music has influenced many artists and the video for ‘Thriller’ is one of the most memorable of all time. He had everything he could have dreamt of, so where did all go wrong?

Throughout his life, he’s been badly advised and managed, which saw his career come to a shuddering halt. Debts, skin grafts and child abuse cases will sadly maim the memory of the ‘King of Pop’. Anyone who now thinks of Michael Jackson won’t think of that bouncy little lad who sung ‘Rockin’ Robin’ but of the weirdo who spent too much time with monkeys and children. Which is probably the biggest shame in this story – some people won’t remember him for his music at all.

For me I’ll always remember the 1996 Brit Awards when Jackson himself was starting to unravel (both physically and mentally, it has to be said) but he was still the world’s biggest star. He’d thought that his performance of ‘Earth Song’ would go down well. But after rumours about his act, where Jackson would try to portray ‘Jesus’, with children (and a Rabbi, quite bizarrely) all around him and almost worshipping him, it all got a bit much for a few of the other artists, who thought this was bang out of order. It took Pulp’s Jarvis Cocker to run on stage and take the piss, to make people see what a farce it was. Jackson would never really be held in the same esteem in the UK ever again. You can watch the video below and to me, it was well out of order.

Regardless of his shortcomings, I salute Michael Jackson for his music but as a man he was utterly bizarre and I don’t think he even knew what he was doing. We can talk about him all we want but nobody will know the truth about the boy who never grew up.

1996 Brit Awards


Thriller Video 1983 (sadly I can't post the full version as YouTube has blocked many music videos from being shown in the UK)


Billy Jean Video (1983)


The Jackson 5 - Blame It On The Boogie

Bit of a late one this month but I’m sure she's worth the wait - its tennis player Ana Ivanovic

She's currently playing at Wimbledon, no not AFC but at the tennis thing. Research tells me she's recently been the world number 1 and there are fewer tennis players who look as nice as her, that's for sure.

Just hope she gets snoted by a British player sometime! But I doubt it!

It’s already been a funny old summer in the world of sport, so I’ll try to keep it brief, as I’m in no doubt that there’ll be more big things happening in the next few weeks.

Let’s start in the world of football, a subject I very rarely (!!!) cover. Everyone seems to have a comment about Cristiano Ronaldo's £80 million transfer to Royal Madrid (that’s what Real Madrid is in English). I too have a few words for the man who sums up modern day football – good riddance. Great player he may be but has there been anyone who has infuriated so many opposition teams, players and fans, so much? His cheating and moaning at everything, as well as his, ahem, ‘feminine’ behaviour, meant that he was a popular figure for abuse. In fact that’s the only thing I’ll miss about him, the chance to hurl abuse at the bastard!

Is any footballer worth £80 million? Not on your life! In an era where many football clubs (and many other businesses) are going bust over the relatively paltry sum of hundreds of thousands of pounds, it really does sum up the reality of today’s game.

Anyway here are five ‘Ronaldo moments’

1. Crying his head off when Portugal lost against Greece in the Euro 2004 final.


2. Latics defender Arjan De Zeeuw kicking him into the West Stand at the JJB in 2006.


3. Getting his Man Utd teammate, Wayne Rooney sent off at the 2006 World Cup.


4. Crashing his Ferrari and not giving a toss after writing it off. He can afford it afterall.
   
5. Latics fans baiting him, summed up with a chant of ‘He’s gonna cry in a minute’ after he handed in yet another anonymous display, during which he constantly moaned at the referee. £80 million, my arse!

Setanta could have done with a bit of that transfer fee, as at the time of writing they have gone into administration and taken off air. Last week, they failed to pay the money that they owed to the Premier League for next season’s games and lost them to ESPN. Thankfully, this isn’t a collapse of ITV Digital proportions, but Conference clubs could be in a bit of trouble if they fail to find a broadcaster, as Setanta paid them for extensive coverage. But you’ve got to feel for those employed by the firm, hopefully someone will buy them out soon.

Away from football and you can’t help to notice that Wimbledon is here! I used to love watching this when I was a kid, I still do to be fair. Like with everything nowadays, I do have my gripes. First off, why do women players scream so much when they hit a ball? It’s blatant cheating, in order to put your opponent off and is bang out of order. Next is the whole Andy Murray circus. Middle-aged and middle-class women are not what supporting British sport is about. Having them fawn over some bad-tempered Jock, who may or may not be one of the best players in the world, is seriously putting me off!

Finally, this ‘Hawkeye’ technology which tells you if the ball was out or not. What’s the point in line judges, if you’ve got this? I’m not a fan of technology in sport, I just think wrong decisions are what watching sport (and life) is all about, what would there be left to talk about otherwise? How good Andy Murray is? Piss off!

Still, there's nothing wrong with my 'Bird's Eye' system!

On the subject of British tennis - isn’t it awful? We have one man and one woman through into round 2. Whatever the LTA are doing, clearly isn’t working. My suggestion would be to stop hanging around middle-class clubs and offer free coaching and use of facilities to those that actually need it. Opening up Robin Park for free during Wimbledon won’t produce the next Pete Sampras! Anyway, here are my predictions for the tournament - Federer to win, Murray out in the semi’s and one of Williams sisters to win in the women’s draw. Easy isn’t it? You don’t need to be Pat ‘smug’ Cash to predict tennis!

I remember around 1997, I had a love for two summer sports in particular. One was cricket and the other was Formula 1. But unlike cricket, F1 is now an easy sport to ridicule. It’s a sport that’s become more obsessed about money, even more so than football, which should be impossible! It’s not about being the best driver anymore, it’s about having the best car. Jenson Button has got nowhere in his entire F1 career and yet he leads this year’s standings by a country mile and the man who has come 2nd and 1st overall in the last two seasons, Lewis Hamilton, is still trying to start his car! Add to that the teams threatening to break away (over money, no doubt) then any love I had with this sport is no more. Plus Max Mosley didn’t invite me to one of his ‘parties’, the bastard!

Cricket on the other hand is gearing up for the Ashes. With England winning a breathtaking (yes, I am talking about Test Cricket!) 2005 series and the Aussies having many new players, there’s a lot of hope for this one. Whatever happens, I just hope we don’t lose 5-0 like we did in Australia in 2007! The only downside is that the series is only live on SKY. Looks like I’ll be staying in the pub then!

So there ends my brief (!!!) summary of what’s going on. Hopefully there’ll be plenty more things happening soon, a British winner at Wimbledon, England snoting the Aussies, Virgin Media launching its own sports channel and employing me as a ‘researcher’ and Latics signing 4 world-class players. But I doubt it!

It seems like I can’t get a break from football this summer, which is fine by me! The big news for Latics fans is that club legend Roberto ‘Bob’ Martinez has returned to take over as manager following Steve Bruce’s decision to move to Sunderland.

This is a great move for the club with Martinez well known for having his players playing ‘good football’. After a few years of ‘hit and hope’ with Paul Jewell and Bruce, hopefully this will be the start of something new. Although don’t forget, it seemed everyone had orgasms about West Brom ‘playing good football’ – but they went down in 20th place last season.

Of course, this is a clever ploy for Latics’ chairman Dave Whelan to ‘play up’ to the fans, who have criticised him this season for his ‘penny pinching’ and naming stands after rugby players. But it’s a ploy which has been pulled off successfully, with fans really looking forward to the new season now. With Bruce, it was different.

Which brings me to the reactions of fans. We lost Steve Bruce and his staff to Sunderland, a club that finished below us last term, but we hardly cared. Championship club Swansea, lose their manager to Premiership Wigan Athletic and their fans go off on one, calling Martinez some awful names in the process. Am I missing something here? Roberto Martinez, a Wigan Athletic legend, returns to the club and Swansea fans think he’s a ‘Judas’ for leaving to manage a Premier League club?

Maybe they can’t get over losing their manager to ‘little’ Wigan - it must be. If he went to Sunderland or Portsmouth, they wouldn’t complain. Despite Latics showing themselves up with the whole deal, which involved a phantom press conference, a no show from Martinex or Whelan as Swansea demanded more money, we’ve done everything right in the book to secure the signing of Martinez. So those abusive Swans fans can just piss off and concentrate on burning virgins in giant wicker men instead!

Bob will be joined at Latics by another legend, goalscoring hero and all-round nutcase, Graeme Jones. I just can’t wait until someone like Marlon King rubs him up the wrong way. Marlon will be left wondering where his teeth had gone, when he’s in the dock for his upcoming ‘assaulting a woman’ case. But seriously, Jonesy is a ‘proper’ footballer, he expects 100% effort and will get it out of his players too - they’ll get nutted otherwise!

So with everyone looking forward to the new season, let’s hope Bob can bring in a couple of good players, so we can push forward. Whatever happens, it’s going to be yet another funny old season!

There's nothing left for me to say apart from - Welcome home Bob and COME ON LATICS!

Well what can I say on the day that Steve Bruce has left Latics to become the new manager of Sunderland? Despite the money available to him, I honestly think this is a sideways move for Bruce. Sunderland won’t be challenging for the top 4, they may not even challenge for the top 6. We’ve known it for a while but now it’s been confirmed – money talks in football.

Yes, Sunderland may get 40-odd thousand fans a week but they haven’t really finished miles ahead of Latics in the last few years. If Bruce had been better at motivating his players, then maybe we could have finished 7th last season. If Fulham can do it, with a chairman like Al Fayed (who makes Whelan look quiet) and a fan-base not-to dissimilar to Wigan, then surely we could? I think it sums Steve Bruce up when he leaves Wigan after 18 months for his seventh managerial appointment in 11 years.

I hope that Whelan has got something up his sleeve, I’m certain he has. He seemed to be quite happy to let Bruce go, which makes me think something wasn’t quite right behind the scenes with him. Maybe its Whelan’s new policy of selling players that pushed Bruce to the exit.

There are now rumours flying around that Bruce will make bids for some of the Wigan players. Bramble and Boyce are discussing new deals and this business could have put them off signing. Like I’ve said before, I don’t see why we should sell our best players to anyone but the BIG 4 or some top European club, not the likes of Spurs and indeed Sunderland. After all, Whelan wants us to get into Europe doesn’t he? Whatever crap he comes out with – we don’t need the money (yet) Dave, so stop paying crap players, such as Marlon King £40,000 a week and spend it on players who are actually good and don’t cause trouble with the law!

Latics legend, Roberto ‘Bob’ Martinex, currently in charge of Swansea, is wanted by Whelan to replace Bruce. He’s done a wonderful job at Swansea, gets them to play some great football and seems to have a lot of contacts in Spain. It would be a wonderful appointment and a very ironic one – Martinez was released by Steve Bruce, just before the manager left the first time to join Crystal Palace in 2001.

With Whelan angering the fans by letting Bruce go, selling players, keeping Maurice Lindsay on the payroll, naming a stand after a rugby player and talking crap to the media, the Martinex appointment will surely smooth those people down.

Whatever happens, let’s just hope he makes the right appointment and we stuff Sunderland next season!

Oh and in all seriousness – thanks for all your efforts Steve!

So the Queen (and her husband!) visited Wigan on Tuesday. Nobody seemed arsed, which was (apparently – I wasn’t born) a stark contrast to her sliver jubilee visit in 1977.and her last visit in 1986. But who I am I to comment about the royal family and what they do for their modern-day subjects?

Wigan North Western train station greatly received ‘Her Maj’, which was so far removed from the usual welcomes you get outside the station. Sadly, her first site of Wigan was Cash Converters and a shop with TAXIS written on it. Typical Wigan really – everything prepared but not thought out properly. Surely we could have had a more useful and appealing site than the above two businesses?

She then headed to WN5 to visit Kitt Green’s Heinz factory, which is 50 years old. Prince Philip felt at home with the ‘Marsh Green Boyz’ and even joined in with a bit of stone-throwing and racially-dubious heckling. The Wigan Evening (rugby) Post was on fire with their embarrassing headline-quips. ‘Queen Meanz Heinz’ was one - I bet that hasn’t been used in relation to the factory before, eh? Britain’s long-serving monarch then did a bit of time-travel by visiting the Oliver!-themed town of Leigh. She officially opened their ‘Sports Village’, built by Wigan Council.

Her royal tour was over after a visit to Bolton. Whether or not she suffered any mutations from her visit there, remains to be seen.

Anyway, here are three alternative activities that the Royal party could have participated in.

Spending a day with Wiganers of their own age - The Queen and Prince Philip spend the day with Wigan’s vast pensioner population. They get on the bus at 9.30 (which is timed by the second) for free and take a pointless ride around the borough. They sit down and put their bag on the other seat, not allowing a worker, who has actually paid for the ride, a seat.

Later they’ll nip to the local club for a game of Bingo, a lemonade and a moan about the youth of today and how pensioners should be entitled to everything, despite plenty of their number not doing a days work in there lives. Later, they visit their mates, in the cemetery and attempt to dig them up. This is when they are locked up in a local mental hospital, or ‘Brainstorm House’, to use the politically correct term.

A visit to the local paper – Her Maj visits those clever hacks at the WEP and marvel at how they can turn a story about a cat being sick, into a four-page pullout about animal rights. They also visit their ‘propaganda section’ and look at how history has seen them single-handily build up the fan-base and interest in Wigan Rugby League. Sadly nowadays, they’ve jumped onto the Latics bandwagon and have somehow conned their readers into believing the club was formed in 2005, when they got into the Premiership. The Queen will also pay tribute to the paper’s bosses, as they have been kindly employing talentless writers and journalists since day one.

A visit to Wigan Pier - The Queen believes that this visit will see her looking around the famous heritage centre and museum. But seeing as they no longer exist, thanks to the Council’s ‘big plan’ (their interpretation of a new ‘heritage centre’ is made out of hotels and flats), she is left surprised when Prince Harry pops up to take her for a ‘jive’ at the infamous ‘bouncy house’ club. Again, her perception will prove to be false, as activities at the club don’t involve jiving of any kind, plus the only thing ‘bouncy’ in there is the fake/stolen boobs of the orange-skinned women, who are molested by toothless urchins from Skem, naturally.

The football season is coming to an end and I couldn’t be more glad! Last night’s heartbreaking 2-1 defeat to Manchester United (™) just summed up this season for Wigan Athletic – frustrating!

We battled really hard and deserved at least a point from the match, but the ‘orribles had to equalise and score a winner in the last five minutes – AGAIN! And it isn’t just Man Utd – we’ve had Chelsea and Liverpool over a barrel too, but we just can’t seem to hold on.

I was disappointed not to see Steve Bruce make more substitutions, as it was clear some of our players were absolutely knackered! Taking N’Zogbia off was a huge mistake, as Rodellga (who earlier had left Vidic, the so-called best centre half in the league, on his arse and smashed in the opening goal) was moved to the left and didn’t track O’Shea, as he set up Carrick’s winner.

I don’t need to go on about their fans. They are all total pricks who should be supporting their local teams. We all know the proper United fans support FC United anyway. Apparently a few of them started singing the sickening ‘Argentina’ chant to ugly, fatboy Tevez. Thankfully some of them got a slap or two off some Wiganers, as they stood up and cheered in the HOME STAND. I don’t care what you think, if you can’t get a ticket for the away end but can for the home end, fair enough. But don’t stand up and start cheering when your team score. It’s common sense!

Of course if the rugby-lovers hear about this, then they will have a field day. But football, to many people, is a passionate sport - it’s about local pride (well not at Old Trafford anyway!) and with the vast coverage football gets in the media – it’s like your town is being represented and put on trial. If you think a couple of rent-boys* getting slapped in the East Stand of the JJB is bad, then you simply don’t have a clue. How many people get off their face each weekend on crap drinks and beat someone up for ‘looking at them’? Now that is ‘mindless violence’, which needs outlawing - at least there’s a good reason for slapping United fans!

United just now need a point to retain their title and are playing Barcelona in the European Cup (not ‘Champions fucking League!) final. Meanwhile, Latics are still being belittled by everyone, even our chairman, Dave ‘Father Jack’ Whelan. I don’t like the way he is selling our club as an ‘halfway house for young players’, so we can sell them and make huge profits. That’s not progressing, that’s just existing. I can’t really see us keeping this Premiership lark up if it carries on.

I understand the ethics of it but why can’t we fight harder to keep players? Palacios is a prime example. Why should we sell any of our players to anyone bar the BIG FOUR or the cream of the European clubs? Whelan’s aim is to qualify for Europe, so why sell to clubs like Spurs, who will also be battling for Europe? It doesn’t make any sense.

In a way, I’ll be glad if this stance of Whelan’s doesn’t pay off and we struggle, not that I want that of course! But we will be left without cheating players, idiotic fans and the fashion accessories, which make up this sham of a league!

(*No offence to actual rent-boys, although it is illegal lads - just don’t forget to ‘rubber up’!)

Southport 0 - 1 Gateshead
Wednesday 29th April
Blue Square North
Play-Off Semi-Final First Leg
Haig Avenue, Attendance: 1011
 

It was always going to be a very interesting trip to watch the Conference North play-off first leg between Southport and Gateshead at Haig Avenue but as always – the football played second fiddle!

I was to make the short train journey to Meols Cop, the nearest station to Southport’s Haig Avenue ground. The walk from the station to the ground was quite simple and I didn’t expect to be met with two many problems.

The train from Wigan was slightly delayed, so as I sat waiting, a chap with a scouse accent came over asking for money. I was sat next to a rather lovely-looking girl, so I wanted to keep face, as you do. After giving him what I had in change, he went on to ask the girl and others waiting at the station for money. Apparently, he had just ‘come from the police station’ and needed some train fare. Me and the girl shared a look and a few words (and that was it - unfortunately!) until the bloke came back. Thankfully the train arrived so I couldn’t tell him to f**k off in front of the girl!

I arrived at my destination in good time but as with all football trips - I get lost trying to find the ground! What looked like a simple route on a map, turned into a nightmare! I eventually found the ground and took my seat in the main stand for the match.

Despite being hidden away, Haig Avenue is a decent ground to visit. I couldn’t be arsed standing, so I sat in the stand, which for this level of football, is very comfortable! The other 3 sides of the ground are made up by terracing, which is where the singing fans stand! The view of the ground is pretty good too and the refreshing sea air was a bonus. It’s just a shame the ground isn’t located nearer to the town centre!

The first half was rather tense, Southport looked rather dodgy at the back and soon this weakness was to affect them as a mix-up led to Gateshead striker, Graeme Armstrong prodding the ball past the home keeper and into the net - after just 15 minutes. The first half just petered out after the goal, with Southport’s only chance being skied over the bar. I ventured down to the food cabin for a half-time brew, which was awful and didn’t improve my mood one bit (there was only one pub in the area and I had arrived too late to have a quick one and I needed to get to the station right after the match!).

The second half was much better, with Southport on top, as they constantly threatened down the right-hand side. Gateshead though, always looked dangerous on the break and they almost made it 2-0 but the post came to the rescue of the home side.

Southport threw everything at the visitors but long ball after long ball was cleared and the Gateshead defence held firm. There was even time for ex-Latics player, Tony Dinning, to make an appearance for Gateshead, as he came on with about 15 minutes to go. In fact, Gateshead should have had a second late on but McMillan in the Southport goal made a good save after a Gateshead forward was put clean through.

The final whistle went and the home support slumped off. It could have been a lot worse but on balance – Southport should have at least drawn the match. They now face an uphill battle to win through to the final, as they visit the North East on Sunday.

I made my way from the ground but somehow got lost again! Thankfully I eventually found my way and waited for the train back the holy land of Wigan. It was an ok trip but if I bring myself round to visiting Haig Avenue again, it will be an afternoon game and on a weekend! That way I can hop on a train to the centre of Southport and enjoy its fine ‘facilities’!

This wouldn’t be a proper trip if I didn’t drink any ale, so I made sure I had a few in Wigan when I got back! Nothing special - just toasting the fact that I managed to find my way home!

I was left wondering though, if my beggar friend found his way home?